Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
