We won't sleep together?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
