my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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