im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
