It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
