Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
