O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
