im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
