M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
