well he's currently spooning the coffee table
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
