Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
