I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
