You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
