So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
