The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
