So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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