he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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