the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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