I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
