I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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