im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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