Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
