we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
