Where is the hickey?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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