Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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