I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Welp...herpes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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