wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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