somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
