What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry about my life...
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