Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
