just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
