The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
