isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
