you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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