He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
