THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what day is it and did you see me today?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
