he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
