Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
