we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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