What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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