In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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