just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
