You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
