So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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