im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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