I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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