The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
