What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
