Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
