We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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