I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
