Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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